Facilitator Skills: Connection

Welcome to a collection of personal reflections from our dedicated facilitators and peer specialists. Each member, bringing a wealth of experience and insight, has written a piece as part of our facilitators manual to share their wisdom and highlight the unique strengths they offer. We hope each reflection shows the gift of shared experience and the healing possibilities of a supportive community. Explore these reflections for inspiration and guidance on your own learning journey.

Steph – Connection 

Something I hold on to as I meet with peers is that, as humans, I think we all have a need to be seen and known by others. We need to genuinely feel connected, that felt experience of one human meeting another with compassion and grace – that moment of connection that feels like a soft “hello, I’m here with you”.

Connection is the thread that runs through peer support from the very beginning. Often we experience that lovely moment of feeling like we ‘get’ each other but connection is also something to be fostered throughout the course of the peer relationship, it’s something we work at. We can do this by turning up as our authentic selves, there is no need to wear any kind of professional hat here. We bring who we are to the table whether that’s a calming presence, a great sense of humour or a positive outlook and we invite others to do the same. We use our listening and communication skills to help us build a relationship with each other. At times, connection is simply being with each other without rushing to resolve. We recognise and respect people’s own ways of describing and making sense of their experiences just as we do the same for ourselves. 

We may also experience moments of disconnect and this is okay! At times this happens within ourselves and sometimes we notice it within those we are speaking with. These moments provide us with an opportunity to reflect and consider how we might stay in relationship with each other. Disconnect can happen for many reasons, sometimes it is simply distraction or difficulty concentrating. It could be because one of us has a strong reaction to what the other has said or maybe we feel frustration or confusion. This is all part of the human experience – afterall, we are peers, not support robots! 

Disconnect is not disaster, it is an invitation for reflection and reconnection. I have found it helpful to consider the things that are likely to cause me to disconnect, for example, difficulties with auditory processing, feeling like I am being spoken down to or feeling like someone is repeatedly pushing a boundary. That said, sometimes we’re caught off guard and we might need to take a moment to ground ourselves and trust in the relationship to allow us to reconnect. 

Reconnecting can feel like a big task! It could take some time, it usually takes a little courage and maybe sitting with some discomfort as we name what has happened, own our part and check in with the peer. This was monumental learning for me and it took time to get used to. Though it felt uncomfortable (and at times still does!), learning to name what seems to be happening and owning how I feel or apologising if I feel the disconnect is on my end, has opened conversations and ultimately led to maintaining connection and peer relationships.